It is Jully 11, 2008 and Barry
Bonds is still unemployed. Recently rumors had Bonds going to the desert (First
Shaq now Bonds, is this the new Florida,
without the humidity), but the Diamondbacks were quick to deny the rumors.
For those of you that live under a
rock let me remind you, Barry Bonds is the former San Francisco Giants left
fielder that broke Hank Aaron’s record for career home runs last year and is currently
sitting on his couch….I mean 762 home runs.
Last year at 43 years old he hit
28 homers, drove in 66 runs and had an OBP of .480 and slugged .565. So why
won’t anyone take a chance on Barry…..hmm lets see. Maybe it’s the fact he
faces about as many perjury counts as he had home runs last year. Each count
could send Bonds to jail for about as long as it will take Brett Favre to
finally retire…
Sure Bonds could be one of the top
five best baseball players of all time, but he’s not worth the headache. No
team wants to answer the constant questions about steroids and why Barry’s head
is bigger than Andruw Jones’ gut….plus a team would need two empty lockers, so
Barry could fit his recliner, trainers and ego..
One indisputable fact is Bonds’
ability at the plate. He could pick up a bat today and probably still be one of
the premiere hitters in the league. He would definitely be the most deadly
hitter in the Dodgers lineup, but that’s like saying Joey Chestnut could beat
an Olsen twin in an eating competition….there’s no contest…..
So, unless a team is desperate for
publicity or a left handed bat, Barry shouldn’t have to put the bag of potato
chips down, or worry about leaving his couch…..except for court hearings…
Why is it that great athletes just can't seem to stay retired? First there was MJ, then The Rocket (chemically enhanced or not) now it sounds like we may be able to add Brett Favre to the list.
Why don't Danny Wuerffel or Cade McNown announce a comeback, well probably because they maxed out their potential.... Or maybe it's because these lesser known athletes knew that they weren't good enough to play forever and had an idea about what they wanted to do when their career's ended.
So I have done Brett Favre a favor and made a list of things he can do to keep him busy while he's retired and stay involved in sports....
-Gardening...mo the lawn at Lambeau....(Not a good idea, might leave grass long in an
attempt to injure replacement Aaron Rodgers)
-Mike Vick's accountant (I here he's looking)
-Competitive eating (Look how well it worked out for The Fridge)
-Dodgers hitting coach
-A-Rod's attorney
-Rap with Shaq
-Play BINGO/Scrabble with Julio Franco
-Play golf on the PGA (Spot open now w/o Tiger)
-Race horses (Big Brown may need a new jockey..)
-Participate in the HR Derby (Since no one else wants to)
-Come up with an alternative to the BCS
-Figure out how to make cheese a source of fuel (lower gas prices...)
just a few thoughts Brett, but I'm sure you'll figure something out...
One of the biggest stars on the major league baseball team best known for its tendency to share undergarments.....I mean win pennants and World Series titles and wear pinstripes, is getting divorced.
That's right New York Yankees third baseman Alex Rodriguez's wife has opted out. No she didn't need Scott Boras and she didn't wait for the World Series.
No word on whether Mrs. A-Rod (Cynthia) grew tired of her husband's inability to parent in October or powder diapers under pressure.....One thing we do know is that as recently as last week A-Rod was romantically linked to Madonna, prompting Cynthia to pay a visit to the home of rocker Lenny Kravitz in Paris. (They must be battling to see who can be linked to the more washed out musician.....no word on when A-Rod will pursue Cher) or she was looking for Ricky Williams.....
Alex shouldn't be upset though, since the couple married in November 2002 his baseball career has suffered. For starters he hasn't won a World Series ring.....(wait N/A....)
Even so it helps the Yankees and the team chemistry.....now instead of standing in the on-deck circle waiting for Bobby Abreu to strikeout or admiring Jason Giambi's facial hair, he can scope out the crowd, (a slump buster????) Gone will be the days when Alex and teammate Johnny Damon fight over who gets to wear Giambi's rally thong.
Rodriguez and captain Derek Jeter can resume their beloved sleepovers that he spoke so longingly of last year.
Let's just hope Alex doesn't get frustrated during the divorce proceedings and chuck his wedding ring...because it will probably be the only ring he gets......
One of the biggest stars on the major league baseball team best known for its tendency to share undergarments.....I mean win pennants and World Series titles and wear pinstripes, is getting divorced.
That's right New York Yankees third baseman Alex Rodriguez's wife has opted out. No she didn't need Scott Boras and she didn't wait for the World Series.
No word on whether Mrs. A-Rod (Cynthia) grew tired of her husband's inability to parent in October or powder diapers under pressure.....One thing we do know is that as recently as last week A-Rod was romantically linked to Madonna, prompting Cynthia to pay a visit to the home of rocker Lenny Kravitz in Paris. (They must be battling to see who can be linked to the more washed out musician.....no word on when A-Rod will pursue Cher) or she was looking for Ricky Williams....
Alex shouldn't be upset though, since the couple married in November 2002 his baseball career has suffered. For starters he hasn't won a World Series ring.....(wait N/A....)
Even so it helps the Yankees and the team chemistry.....now instead of standing in the on-deck circle waiting for Bobby Abreu to strikeout or admiring Jason Giambi's facial hair, he can scope out the crowd, (a slump buster????) Gone will be the days when Alex and teammate Johnny Damon fight over who gets to wear Giambi's rally thong.
Rodriguez and captain Derek Jeter can resume their beloved sleepovers that he spoke so longingly of last year.
Let's just hope Alex doesn't get frustrated during the divorce proceedings and chuck his wedding ring...because it will probably be the only ring he ever gets......
Call the mayor, and schedule the parade.....the Los Angeles Clippers just signed Baron Davis...okay maybe the parade is a little premature, but make no mistake about it this was the biggest signing in Clippers history. Prior to this deal it was Kobe almost becoming a Clipper until he put the glue down and realized he was about to become a Clipper.
For Davis this works because he gets to go back home and play in Los Angeles* even if it's for LA's minor league team, he can burn the Warriors and Don Nelson on multiple occasions, oh yeah and he gets paid $$$$.( possibly 5 years and $65 million) Even with the price of gas, that's a lot of money.
This is a great move, but it doesn't guarantee a playoff spot in the loaded West. The Lakers are still up top, the Trailblazers will be next years Hornets, the Hornets will be the Hornets. Utah is a powerhouse for years to come with Williams and Boozer if he sticks around, Houston will have McGrady and Yao probably for 30 games the Suns have the Big Cactus turned rapper, Dallas is still a viable threat if Josh Howard doesn't party too hard with Ricky Williams and I haven't even mentioned Denver or Golden State.
We'll just have to wait and see how free agency works out, but next year should be just as exciting in the West.
