...to the opening shot from yours truly, Da Guru.  For those of you familiar with my work, thank you for patiently waiting.  For those of you new to my work, welcome...stay awhile.  But please, wipe your feet on the mat before you enter, don't put your feet up on my tables and spray afer you use the restroom. 

It's been a long time since I did this, so please forgive me if I'm a little rusty.  But let me see if I can get the hang of it...hmmm, I remember it going something...a...little...like...this...

Okay, forgive me if I'm not a breeder like it seems the rest of the world is, but what happened to my rights as an alcoholic to enjoy myself at a baseball game???  Seriously, baseball is tedious enough without beer...LOTS OF BEER...but just because it makes a drunk and a teeny bit obnoxious doesn't mean that I shouldn't be able to partake of a baseball game like anyone else.  It's not my fault that you brought your punk**** kids to the game and they happen to be sitting next to me.  I'm sure it's not the first time they've heard that type of language, so I don't appreciate it when you stare at me with your "HOW DARE YOU!!" eyes. 

Isn't that what enjoying a baseball game is all about, people?  A few hot dogs, a few beers, maybe some nachos, a few more beers, a maybe catching a foul ball.  What else is there?  Especially at Dodger Stadium, where the newest free agent acquisition centerfielder is more out of shape than a certain ex-heavyweight boxing champ from Brooklyn (who, by the way,  I'm still so scared to death of that I won't DARE mention his name...but it rhymes with Spike Pyson).   Dodger Stadium is still a dump, regardless of the renovations.  And any time anyone wants to to pay for ridiculously overpriced parking, to sit in a ridiculously old stadium, they should pay me to drink their ridiculously overpriced beer prices.  And, if I happen to get a little drunk while in the process of drinking their ridiculously overpriced beer, while watching their ridiculously overpriced, overweight centerfielder, the least you can do is leave me alone when I'm heckling ridiculously, overly obnoxious kids.   

Stay tuned for more observations, rants and straight truth from the original, authentic sports know-it-all, Da Guru!