I promised myself long ago, never to make fun of old people.  That list includes everyone except Joe Paterno. When I was a little kid I wanted Joe Paterno's autograph.  I even went as far as mailing a self addressed stamped envelope to Penn State requesting it.  About two weeks later I get a call from his Secretary saying Coach Paterno doesn't give autographs. I was pissed; no autograph and no stamps back.  Ever since then I have rooted against Penn State. Always. Coach, here is a little payback for not joining my collection of autographed photo's you old meanie.

81 year old Penn State Head Football Coach Joe Paterno is in a hospital undergoing tests and is being treated for apparent dehydration.

Joe'pa, I thought your players were being dismissed from Penn State for fighting and disorderly conduct.  Are they now stealing all the water on campus too? Do they play in Happy Valley or Death Valley?  Don't they have bottled water in College Station? Drinking fountains? Hoses? No well on Mt. Nittany? A Sparkett's guy?I know you're old fashion coach but they do actually sell Gatorade in containers smaller than what they drench coaches with after big wins. Ever hear of Propel?Evian ring a bell? Stop thinking about win number 373 and start thinking about 64.  As in drinking 64 oz's of water a day to stay fully hydrated.  8 reps of 8 ounces, get it? It's ok old man, we won't think you're soft. We haven't yet found a cure for cancer but we have stumbled across a great over the counter potion for dehydration--it's called water.

Who would have thought George Allen would be done in with too much water and Joe Paterno not enough water.

That fricking Global Warming is killing college football.