I can't make fun of anyone today for wearing too much July 4th flair or dressing there dog up like Uncle Sam because I just watched the last 8 1/2 minutes of Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest. Today we should be celebrating the Declaration of Independence and instead we're celebrating the declaration of being the most obese country in the world by eating as many hot dogs as we can in 10 minutes.

Were there Regional events at  local Hometown Buffets to come up with the Final 30 or so? Probably.

So I watched it and had to listen to the announcer speaking as though we were watching USA beat Russia in hockey, seriously.  Why wasn't this on the Food Channel?  We have so many channels these days, why not a Fat Channel.  Fat styles, more fattening foods. Fattest recipes. Sexiest fat person.  Who needs to add 100 lbs to there frame?  Why not a new reality show called Biggest Winner?  You know, you have 30 days to gain the most weight; add the most cellulite. If it goes OT, they count chins.  Hey Simon Cowell, just have your people email my people.

So I watched the hot dog eating contest and you know what? Kobe got robbed.  He won that event, not Chestnut, by about 1/4 of a dog in regulation.  Like Koke even had a chance. A guy named Joey Chestnut losing a close decision in New Jersey.   American vs. Asian on the 4th of July. Yeah, that was going to happen. And you thought Kobe couldn't get a call in the Boston.  Takero Kobayashi was down a dog before the event even started, at least.

So a hot dog off to decide the Champ? First thru 5 dogs wins, are you kidding?  I'm going to write the National Hot Dog Eating Association or whoever has the Jurisdiction over these events.  You tie after 10 minutes, you go 30 more minutes.  That's when I'll start Tivo-ing it. And in the 30 minute overtime, first guy to blow loses.  An awesome Agony of Defeat hurl ABC can run over and over and I'll never get tired of that clip.  You blew the OT rules David Stern Hot Dog guy. They need an extra 30 minutes in OT.  In racing, we all want to see a crash.  In hot dog eating contests, we want to see somebody blow chucks.  An ESPN Instant  Classic, "Boot on the Boardwalk" (I need to rent Stand by Me again, soon).

Sorry about the heart breaking loss Kobayashi but anyone that slams 59 dogs in 10 minutes could care less about their heart.

Guess it's time to ebay my Takero Kobayashi Rookie Card.

Happy 4th of July , eat up America.

Yeah, I know this is a sports blog.  We should be talking about the Lakers or Dodgers or some dead hot rodder but I can't.  I'm numb, my favorite comedian died.  George Carlin passed away Sunday from a bad ticker. 

George Carlin was a flat out genius. I saw him perform live twice in my life.  Once when I was about 22 years old.  I saw him at some small Orange County theatre.  Too bad I was so young and had to get all loaded that night. I had a great time but woke up hardly remembering a bit.  Last year he was rehearsing for an HBO Special and my wife & I saw him perform live at The Comedy & Magic Club in Hermosa Beach.  He stood up there with notes by his side & I didn't give a ratt's ****.  He still made us laugh. He went in even darker directions but we still ended cracking up.

I liked just about everything he did, except for that Jennifer Lopez/Ben Affleck movie.  He made comedy seem so simply.  As if any guy could get up on stage and talk about life and make us all laugh.  Some comedians tell you a joke while others lead you to the joke.  George sort of squeezed the joke out of any particular topic.

I'll never have the pleasure to see him live again but I'm certain thru books and DVD's I'll be able to laugh with him for decades to come.

We already miss you you ****ing piece of **** **** **** bitch whore **** sucker.

I feel bad for Javon Walker. Ouch.  Someone going lead pipe to your eye socket has to feel below average. I also hope Javon gets his memory back because the story he's telling the cops right now about what happened last Saturday night makes O.J. Simpson seem believable.

Javon Walker is telling the police he got robbed in his room and then somebody dragged him out of the Bellagio, drove him away and then left him on the street.  What? Dude, you need to stop renting weekend at Bernie's so often.  Nobody dragged you out of that hotel.  Nobody in there right mind would carry you thru the Bellagio unconscious with a divot in your face.  Ball doesn't lie and neither does the 2,000 plus camera's located in the Bellegio-- none of which collaborate your story.

Let's take a closer look at the picture above of Javon Walker from the night in question.  I think I solved this crime in two seconds. He's dancing alone with a smile on his face.  I got it, I got it.  Javon was rolling that night.  He was on ecstasy. I'm 99.99% certain. Hey, I'm not ridiculing him for it and I'm certainly not encouraging the drug. I'm just stating the obvious. The only way you're as happy as Javon looks dancing alone in a Vegas night club at 3:30 in the morning is if you've swollowed an e tab or two 60 minutes earlier. That's all I'm saying; an open and shut case.  He was rolling on ecstasy and blacked out and then got robbed. Damn, where is your posse when you really need them?

What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.... including Javon's watch and gobs of cash. Tough luck Javon but it's not too late to come clean with the truth. Paul Tagliabue might take a bit more of your jack for rolling that night but come clean buddy.  We'll respect you more for it.

Just tell us the truth, you were rolling on e tabs and have no idea how you ended up on the street looking like Stuart Scott trying to catch a football.

Let's this be a lesson to you weekend druggie's, never roll with too much bling or a bunch of cash in your pocket.  I deserve my own practice.....